Are we there yet?
This was the persistent refrain from the backseat of the blue Chevy impala with no air- conditioning, in August, where my sister, brother, grandmother and I sat, fought and slept for the three day, 1179 mile road trip between Miami Beach and Dayton Ohio to visit our cousins.
Are we there yet?
We are always asking this question when we want to be somewhere other than where we are. We ask it in a variety of ways.
When will I find a lover, a spouse?
When will I get out of debt or find a way to make income?
When will my body look and feel like I want?
When will I feel better?
When will I be confident?
Even when we make the decision to achieve any of those outcomes, there is the difficult period of the journey itself. The lag time between decision and outcome. Worse yet, is the breakdown that often occurs during the process.
Things inevitably start to break down or break apart giving the impression something’s gone terribly wrong.
I recently had a laser treatment for my face. The goal was to eliminate precancerous abnormalities but, let’s face it, I was more excited about the promised cosmetic improvement: increased collagen production (over time), reduction of fine wrinkles and elimination of broken red capillaries. In short, I expected youthful blemish free nubile skin.
But here’s how it works.
They burn your face (clearly dermatologists would explain it differently). Your face gets red and swollen. During the next couple of days, brown coffee grain-like spots appear. Then your skin gets tight and shrunken giving the impression you’ve aged about 15 years in two days. The grand finale is an homage to reptilian ecdysis. In short, your skin peels in sheaths, exposing virgin skin that must be covered and protected.
After ten days I did look better, or at least compared to what I’d looked like for the previous ten days.
I admit I often looked in the mirror wondering; When am I going to look better?
As we are in our process, we never see the micro changes and we are always asking that elusive question.
Am I there, yet?
We are quick to disparage ourselves and give up when we don’t see a manifestation of what we want.
How can you deal with that lag time and hold onto the promise that you will get “there” eventually?
I prefer the game Hot and Cold as an indicator of where I am. This game is without judgment, it’s simply an indicator. I had to remind myself with every break down I was getting hotter and closer to my end goal.
If I am taking the steps to achieve an outcome, then I am hotter. If my goal is to fit into a tight dress and I can’t zip the zipper and I reach for a bag of chips, a signal tells me I’m colder. When I close the bag and walk away, I’m warmer. I am not there yet, but I’m moving in the direction of hotness and given enough time and persistence, I will get there.
If I am constantly in debt, and I’m out shopping, I’m getting colder. If I am searching for a mate and find myself stalking my ex’s Facebook and obsessing about where he is, I am definitely getting colder.
Is the concept of Hot and Cold simple? Yes.
Most concepts about achieving goals and changing behaviors are simple, just not easy to do.
But what if you were willing to make the process of getting where you want a game?
What if you asked, “Am I getting hotter?” instead of “ Why am I not there yet?”
Would it be more fun?
Would it be less charged with judgment and more playful?
Would you be more flexible in making changes if it felt like a game?
Would you be tricking yourself into motivation?
I’m often reminded that our mental hygiene is a daily choice. Zig Ziglar said it best when he said….”People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Make Believe~Make Belief Affirmation: Today I will ask if I am getting hotter or colder toward my goal and then course correct.
